I sit here at about 10:50pm on this 29th Wednesday of December and ponder the vast reality that there is a reason things must be let go of. "How do I do this?" I ask God. How? I have no clue sometimes yet deep down I know what I must do. It no longer becomes a matter of literally letting go of something, but it's more of the mind set that must be let go of. I HATE this! You finally think that for one second you have this under control then BAM! It smacks you right in the face and makes you question everything you have "leaps and bounds" grown away from for the past year and a half! How does this happen? Why does this happen? Why is it so hard? Why does it still hurt? Why do I feel broken? Will I ever be whole again? Will I understand? Will I be satisfied?
It terrifies me, I have to be completely honest.
I know that God hears every shudder in my heart. I know He is probably thinking, "Child, why do you do this to yourself?" I can't help but think that I can take all of the troubles in my world upon my shoulders...I realize I can't now.
So when does all of this turn from defeat into victory, sweet victory? That is what I am here to determine.
I asked God for the courage and strength to shut the doors of my past and to keep them shut to allow the new doors He has in wait for me to open up according to His plan.
I must say, it is a work in progress. I know I have a ways to go but with the steadfast remembrance of my Father's heart for me, I will not give up.
Today, I allow Holy Spirit and Father to write the newest chapter in my book. I wonder what it will be titled?
About Me
- Amber
- I am a 25 year old college grad and am taking the road less traveled. A couple of years ago I moved from my hometown of 20+ years and a life of stability and familiarity to follow the call of the Lord. It sounds a bit crazy but I know my Father's voice and He said to go...so I did. I am a Pre-K teacher and tutor and I believe in relying on the Lord to the best of my human ability for every open door to be provided. He has not failed me yet and I am beginning to think He never will...(He doesn't!He is GOD!)I love playing the guitar and I have been blessed with a voice to praise my maker. I look forward to writing and playing worship music with my future husband(whomever God is bringing) one day and raising an army for Christ.
